dear diary ‧₊˚✩彡

i luv dreaming ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

June 26th, 2024

sometimes, that small, probably not very costly to produce, little creature inside the claw machine of your local boba spot can bring you much joy...and happiness....i look into his eyes and i know what the meaning of life is....

June 4, 2024

i had an extremely cathartic dream. ok truthfully i've had many cathartic dreams. dreams that seem so real, i cant distinguish them from real life as i experience it. i've become so paranoid that as a result i won't step into a walmart for the rest of my life. i'm just afraid of these dreams coming true. which is why i haven't been around for a while, that + my dad's been having some health issues, hes ok now and will be fine but for a while there it was a bit scary. but really i stopped posting because i had a dream so terrible i'm afraid if i speak of it it will come true. except i read something recently that is making me rethink about journaling about it or not. you see i just watched lake mungo, which if you havent heard about it, its a scary movie about a young girl who drowned in a lake. it's a very good movie, and if anyone is even reading this and they havent watched it you should check it out. but umm.....oh yeah without giving away any spoilers, i was reading in an old reddit thread, (because everytime i watch a scary movie like this i love love love reading reddit threads about people's theories on it, it's sort of like the best part of watching movies that I consider works of art like this because so many people have different interpretations and no one is exactly right or exactly wrong, its just good fun and sharing of ideas and thoughts and what not) and someone said they had known from aboriginal folklore and that if you have a premonition of your death and if you keep it to yourself then you may curse yourself or your family and you see this whole time i've been thinking the opposite, i thought that if i dreamt about something like that and if i spoke about it, it would come true. i can't even think about the dream without crying. And I keep having flashes of my brother telling me when we were young, as i would so often have dreams of others dying, that it means they are going to live for a long time. i don't even know where he would have heard that from...but it always comforted me. i'd like to think maybe the dreams i have where i have died mean i'm going to live for a long time...hmmm maybe the simplest answer is that subconsciously i've been afraid of dying and thats where these dreams stem from. but my fear truthfully is rooted in how real these dreams feel. so real that when i wake up i forget that my dream is just a dream and that i actually have a life outside the dream.i hope that i'm not painting myself to be some recluse that is afraid to even step outside of her home, because i am most definetly the walmart dream i guess.. to put it plainly, i dreamt i died inside a walmart lol but because it felt so real, so REGULAR, it was so scary how regular and normal the dream was, it's better to be safe than sorry and to be honest i haven't been inside a walmart since i was a child so is it really avoiding if i dont even shop there at all anymore? i remember in the dream after i died there was a voice that told me i had to calm down, everthing was so vivid and in a split second i felt myself burning, burning, red everywhere then in another split second it all went black, and this voice was telling me to calm down, that i must be calm, "gently now" is what the voice said, "gently as we move from this world to the next" was the last thing i heard so clearly and then i woke up.but that's not the dream that has kept me from posting on here, i have to think about it more if i want to share that dream or not, but lets indulge my delusion and say that these dreams are in fact as i fear, premonitions that will one day come true and i am going to die regardless, then why should i stop doing what i love, which is posting on here :3 i guess what i'm really trying to say is that im back :3

march 17, 2023

been a while since i've written :3 it's just theres been so much rain here i hate it now lol at first it was fun right, like it NEVER rains here, and it even SNOWED here at my job, like that was crazy. it wasn't a lot of snow tho, it snowed for a good two minutes and then it went away. although it was nice seeing the mountains covered in snow, felt like i was in a different place all together. but the rain now is like a guest that has overstayed it's welcome and im tired of it now . i miss the sun i miss its warmth....


december 19, 2022

i've been feeling a bit better so i thought i'd share my christmas list of gifts i hope to recieve this christmas :3 i loveeeee christmas sooooo much its my favorite holiday of the year!! my family requests a list each year so we know what to buy each other so heres mine

these are all things i just had on my ebay watch list lol the first one is a pinky monkey plush/small storage item, i plan to put my jewelry in there if i get it the second is something i've wanted for a while :3 & the third and forth are plushies i've been wanting to add to my collection but just decided to wait until christmas to ask for them lol I hope you all get the gifts on your wishlist this year!!

december 9, 2022

sorry i haven't written, i had to put down my cat on Nov. 3 and i've not been able to handle my grief, i've never experienced any feeling like this in my entire life, i realize now nothing is permanent, i've been a fool in thinking that the love i've recieved from my friends and family gives me a permanent place on this earth, but it doesn't. There's not a day that goes by where i don't think of my cat, my friend :( he was just here.... i keep telling myself, and with the tightest grip i try to hold onto the last day he was here, my nails sinking deeply into the last memories i have of petting him and watching him lay in the sun, all the while punishing myself for being such an idiot..for not cherishing him more, for taking him for granted. i'll never take anything for granted again, i'll let everything linger for a little while longer, and then a little more after that...because time is so short... more than any of us realize..


reminiscing about old times & "barbarian" review

i put up a giant inflatable of a pumpkin into my drive way, it was about 8 feet and loomed so cutely over my yard. unfortunately i had a total of 8 trick or treaters stop by my home, can you believe it!! only 8?! I can literally recall all their costumes, the first was a cute butterfly , the second & third were wednesday adams and a racecar driver, then three kids, two witches and a cowboy,then lastly 2 teenage boys. i gave them the rest of the candy that was left (which was practically the whole bag!) and they gleefully ran off.. at least the parents that came with the kids took photos with the pumpkin but over all i was kinda sad by the turn out lol i remember when i was a kid there were hundreds of kids swarming the streets, i guess since i dont live in an apartment anymore there aren't many kids around .. and no one in my neighborhood decorated ....soz lol anyways after that i watched barbarian so please stop reading if you dont want to be spoiled!!!!!!!!! so yes our protanganist is a freaking idiot who arrives at her air bnb for the night and finds that it's been double booked. any sane human being would promptly find a hotel, motel, or sleep in their car but NO she decides to STAY. you just can't have that kind of confindence in your fellow man anymore these days but whatever, i can understand that for the sake of the plot needing to move forward she must stay in that house -_-. i like how they build the suspense by having you believe that her air bnb roomate could potentially be a crazy psycho killer the whole time up until the moment HE DIES and actually turns out he was a nice cool guy and this could've potentially been a romantic meet cute story for our protaganist, that whole thing i did enjoy. & they did a good job casting him because he does give weirdo vibes lol and the reveal of the monster (mother) did scare me!! then the movie switches to this actor guy who is accused of being raped and is then "cancelled" by hollywood or whatever... i didn't really care for him and i was glad he died in the end because it turns out he did actually rape his costar so he could go choke and he totally tried to sacrifice the protaganist to save himself after our protaganist WENT BACK FOR HIM !!! thats another thing ughhh i love/hated our protaganist soooooo much like why would you ever want to go back and save a person you JUST met, i understand going to the police and getting help is all well and fine but if i were her and i saw what i saw i would catch the first flight back home and try to bury the memory of what i endured lol. and i knew they were going to get that homless man killed too, like whyyyyyy why does the homeless man even live in that area knowing whats inside that house like that was insane to meeeee hahaha. onto my favorite character of the whole movie...mother, i actually started crying at the end can you believe it? lol a victim of incest, torture, and rape, all she wanted was a baby to care for.. and when she saved her life for the protaganist i was sad, and the tears came when the protagnist finally held the gun to her face but mother didn't know what was coming, all she wanted was to caress her "baby" i love these designs for these monsters we have been getting lately. i loved the reveal of the monster in smile too but was the movie even that good? idk thats a conversation for another time. all in all i give this movie a 6.9/10 for its originality, design for the monster and story.

Tokomon - Digimon